


a sheep in wolf's clothing

by onakissgodknows



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Character Study, Colorado Rockies, Gen, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 21:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onakissgodknows/pseuds/onakissgodknows
Summary: Pitcher wins don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, nor do they speak to a pitcher’s true talent or ability, but still, Jon is 4-4.





	a sheep in wolf's clothing

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick little character study type deal for one of my favorite pitchers. It is loosely based on Jon's 100th career start this past Monday, but I changed the details of this particular 6th inning. Not sure who the audience for this fic is but if you read it I hope you enjoy.

Pitcher wins don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, nor do they speak to a pitcher’s true talent or ability, but still, Jon is 4-4. Precisely .500 thus far through the 2019 season, and okay, that’s fractionally better than how the Rockies as a team are performing, but he’s been better. He’s been worse. He’s perfectly average, which pretty much matches how he feels.

Being Opening Day starter doesn’t matter in the grand scheme either, and he can’t deny Kyle deserved it more than he did, but he also can’t pretend it doesn’t sting a little to not have the ball on Opening Day for the first time in a couple of years.

He’s been telling everyone he’s turning over a new leaf this year. Trying to care less. Well, more like worry less. It works, mostly. At least he’s not making headlines anymore for being the most enigmatic conundrum of a pitcher the Rockies have ever had.

Kyle corners him after about his third disastrous start on the year and says “I don’t know how you did it. Turned it around when it got bad for you.”

Jon blinks at him, bewildered – “You’ve got more talent in your pinky than most people got in their whole body.”

“So do you,” Kyle presses, and Jon doesn’t know what to say.

“You’ll figure it out,” Jon tells him, and believes it.

So a hundred starts into his major league career, this is where he stands. The double-digit strikeout games balance out with the games where he can’t make it through three innings, and his season record seems pretty accurate. Average. 

It’s warm, spring finally starting to tentatively shift into summer, and Jon’s grateful his hair is cut short on the sides; the long mane of red hair had become his trademark, but there’s something to be said for being able to feel the breeze on the back of your neck. 

On the other hand, he feels a bit….shorn. Like a sheep. A sheep in wolf’s clothing, instead of the reverse. Maybe all he’s ever been.

He cruises through five with little to no traffic, and runs into a jam in the sixth. He takes care of the first two batters in order, then he walks the pitcher and nails Jarrod Dyson in the arm with a pitch that gets away from him.

Tony Wolters jogs out to the mound.

“So, uh,” Tony says, lifting the mask off his face, “where’s your head at?”

His _head_ , it’s always about his head – _Jon Gray’s got the stuff, but can he keep the mental game under control_? Or, worse, accusations about Jon being _mentally weak_.

However, he can hardly blame them. Moments like this one can overwhelm a pitcher, have definitely done so for Jon in the past. Tony is kind about it. Half the reason he’s at the mound now is to give Jon a moment to collect himself.

Jon lifts his cap, shakes his hair back away from his face, and replaces it. “I got it.”

Here’s the thing. Even if he is nothing more than a sheep in wolf’s clothing, it’s not 2018 anymore. He’s closed the door on that chapter of his life and made the decision to never look back. Jon isn’t lost in his mechanics or in his own head. He’s in the majors, he’s making his hundredth start. Hell, he’s Jon fucking Gray, owner of a sixteen-strikeout game back in ’16. He did that, and that’s not the only good game he’s ever played, either. So what if he feels like he’s tricking them? That’s all pitching is, in the end.

He’s not getting sent down again. He refuses to let himself be overwhelmed. He decided months ago he was done with that. Decided he wouldn’t let himself get in his own way. He just….decided. And the weird thing is, it’s working.

Tony gives him a pat on the arm and trots back to home plate, nods to the umpire, and crouches down, ready for whatever Jon throws.

First pitch is a strike at 95. The batter steps out of the box, bewildered.

The second pitch is a ball.

_Don’t let it get away from you._ Jon catches the ball when Tony throws it back and fiddles with it lightly in his fingers. Doesn’t think too hard, just pitches.

Strike two.

_Got to put him away now, if you walk him Bud will take you out –_

Jon throws, the batter swings. Strike three. Jon struts off the mound.

Still got it.


End file.
